I spend at least one day a week going through new Open Calls on the web and filling out their applications. As where I come from, the art market isn’t particularly strong (one could say barely moving) my success in applying to grants, open calls and residencies is most of my bread and butter. But I find it leaves me in a weird place – I don’t know if I am asking or begging.

Now I know it has a lot to do with the way we ask and the language we use as well as the applications we chose to apply to, but I can’t shake the feeling that even though I have been given the status of an Independent working artist (a rough translation of a formal title our country gives to professionals, who work freelance in the arts) I am still far away from being independent.

Within the constant flow of “I would be honoured if you would consider my proposal” and the shuffling of words to fit the criteria of each individual application, my position leaves me far from believing I am actually in control of my future. And while I do understand that there is probably no business person that isn’t in some way dependant on other people’s opinions and decisions, I can’t but feel that the way we visual artists are treated (in places where the private sector isn’t strong or willing enough to be interested in our work) leaves us hanging out to dry at the mercy of the rainmakers. And while on the open markets, if something is good and people know about it, the demand for such a product doesn’t just stop overnight, as far as government support and grants are concerned, everybody’s just doing us a favour and favours don’t have to last.